Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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