Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
