He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
