I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
