Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize