i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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