I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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