look no pants
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
