My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
