I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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