so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
