I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
