party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
