I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
