Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
