Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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