worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
