i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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