I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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