Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The uberlube is also flammable
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
