my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Randomize
