I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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