Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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