you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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