I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
