we have officially lost it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
