She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
