I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
