Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
