ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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