He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
