just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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