Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
