If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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