we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I AM VODKA MAN
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
