Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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