I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
