I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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