So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
