My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
