I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
