he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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