you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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