I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
did i just pee glitter
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
