I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
