I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
