When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize