The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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