The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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