so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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