my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
