I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
