Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
