I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
