I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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