we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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