did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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