Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
