I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
