If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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