508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
