so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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