True but thats because hes a fetus.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
