She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
