47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
