I am puke
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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