I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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