woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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