Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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