What a fucking waste of an outfit
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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