Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
