i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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