She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
